Love, Hate, Compromise
by Shykeiro
Summary: Druitt feels guilty for his daugther's fate. Warning spoiler season 2 until episode 2. It's my first fiction in english language. Sorry for the summary xD


Hum hello.

I want to say just one thing really important. English is not my first language and i'm not Shakespeare, so be gentle with me please.

Spoilers: Until Season two, episode two.

Characters: Helen Magnus and John Druitt

Genre: Dark Romance... (a little bit)

Good reading ! And let comment. If you see a big mistake, please, tell me. xD

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_There are things in life we do not control. __Things that we would avoid at all costs, but each time come back to haunt us. __Still stronger, ever more painful. The past is one of those things. It is crazy to believe that our actions have no consequences. If in a short time it's seems possible, when you are immortal, it's somethings else. __Immortality is a gift trapped and bitter that penetrates our veins more harshly than poison. Obviously, we still believe to redeem themselves, we think everything is open to forgiveness. T__here is nothing more false. At least, forgiveness of self doesn't work as well. I learned it at my cost. __Me, Montague John Druitt, also known, around 1888, as Jack the Ripper, I shall never forgive me for the mistakes I made._

No history, no life are important. They are ephemeral and insignificant. Me at least, I do not care. My eyes fixed on the window, I can not think of others, those poor fools trying to rebuild the Sanctuary. No matter. My only thought is turned to my thirst for vengeance, my thirst for blood. My anger knows no bounds. I feel it flowing in my veins, I feel it destroy all traces of reason. They took this for why I suffered alone through ages and ages. They have changed, have transformed her into something against nature. She might have my hatred and my violence, she could never reach that stage of madness.

Just to rethink at her face, distorted by violence, I can not even enrage. I hit my fist against the window, I clench my teeth. Why fight since it serves no purpose. Helen doesn't believe me. Helen has never believed me! She doesn't see that I am capable of human feelings, she doesn't believe that I actually, for a few moments, liked this woman as I had to love her as a father. She thinks I've just found a reason to kill, to satisfy my perverted desires of blood and suffering. But ... But! If this anger that burns in me is not due to the pride I felt for Ashley, then what is it? I wonder.

Ashley ...

I knew that Helen was pregnant. This was also the reason that pushed me to look hard for her. When I saw them in the same sanctuary where I am now, I was relieved. They were alive. They still existed. I've spied them a long time. I walked into their lives, and soon after, the Cabale took her away from us. My daugther…Our daugther…

I lean my head against the cold windowpane. Helen doesn't agree my hatred. She wants me to stay here, that I attend the memorial in honor of Ashley. She wants to be sure I will not commit error. She knows that I plan to go and kill the woman who destroyed my daughter. As always, she knows me too much.

To tell the truth, I do not feel the strength for that. To watch an empty coffin. To deposit in any object. Thinking about her. While I know she is dead ... just because of me. This gift, this curse I have, she had too. That was asleep, that slumbered in her. If she had not been able to teleport, she would never be broken into crumbs, particles.

I clench my fists. It was less complicated before, at the time I was controlled by my instincts, my power. I know that it was the worst years of my life, I know that I made my worst mistakes during those years, but at least I did not feel all that pain, all this guilt that I can feel now. I could still watch Helen in front, with the smile, the taunting, playing with her nerves. I could still talk without shame with Watson, giving my opinions on my own murder while he investigating without knowing he had before him the murderer. Now I crouches at my own reflection. I am disgusted of me, I dislike me. What I am, what she was, it was the same thing. I am responsible of her death. I hated me.

-John?

This beautiful voice brings me back to reality. I turn toward her, becoming impassible, becoming the insensitive man she thinks I am.

-Yes Helen?

I know that my voice is dark and low. I know that my gaze without emotion destabilize her, that me, to be so impassive, irritate her. She wants me to be more human. To suffer like she suffered by my fault. She doesn't have to fear, my sweet Helen, I suffer in the flames of hell since she left me. But I'm still curious. This is not in her habit to come to me like that.

-I came to see how you were going.

Not that. Do not play this game Helen. I know she doesn't believe what she says. She just wants to watch me, see what I can't get out of the sanctuary. She even turned on the shields function. She believes I'm so stupid? I approach her, a sort of bitter grin pasted on my lips.

-How am I going Helen? You really ask me this?

She has a bitter smile. She is no longer afraid of me. I feel it. Before, just the fact of appearing before her frightened her. She was afraid that I touch her daughter. How ironic. Now she faces me, she challenges me.

-You gonna tell me that you suffer?

I watch her, she did the same. I want to brutalize her, just for she understands how I can be human. Yes, I know very well that I can't hurt her. I still love her, is obvious.

-You'd rather I tell you that I do not care about her? That's a good thing she died? That She deserved what happened to her? That in any case she had no chance of escape with the parents she had!

My voice raised, I know. I brutally approach forward, dominating her of all my height. She curls up, giving me one of his eyes ... those she knows how to use well to reach me. Those who probably hurt more than a stab.

-Do not get angry John! You're worse things!

-I am not angry! I just want to kill the whole world because of idiots who have dared to touch our daughter Helen!

I do not raise my voice down... but she looks at me strangely. She is surprised.

-I can not stand it. I want them to suffer as we suffered.

Her eyes became dark.

-We?!

I sense the storm comming. Obviously, I can't suffer …

-We?! You really think you have suffered? You plug Ashley! You used it! It is an object of power that you've lost. The only argument you could use against me! You really think I'm going to believe something so stupid? You do not care of me, so how could you love a daugther you've never seen?

I look away. I don't know if she sees how she can be cruel.

-I've never had the opportunity.

His eyes are blazing, mine are raging.

-You really think I would have allowed you to approach her?

I say nothing, knowing she's right. Knowing that if I was not the father, Ashley would probably be still alive. But what's the point of staying rooted to this nightmare? I want revenge. That's why I'm still here.

-You...

-I have enough. You do not go, that's all. Do not make me take the necessary measures.

She leaves, slamming the door. Charming. I can't blame her, it is against my will, against my heart. I know she is disoriented, sad. Ashley's death was hard for her. She goes wrong. She feels pain. I can't do anything. I can only watch her suffer. She don't wants me to approach, to help. Since that night in Egypt, while searching for informations to find our daughter. I was approached, she had avoided. As if she was afraid of losing control if I managed to touch her. She stabs my heart each second without realizing it.

I turn my gaze to the window. Towards the outside which is so unpleasant to me. In other streets, in another time, I was the nightmare of women and the prey of men. Many died on my way and yet I've never taken any satisfaction of that. Killing did shoved deeper wounds that covered my soul. I became mad.

I must speak to her. Before it's too late. I leave the room without looking back, taking the direction of the office of Helen, knowing well she's still there. Overhear us each in turn Helen. It's my turn to come to you. I open the door without knocking. She jumps, looks at me and stops working. She is still angry. I shut the door behind me, then go forward. If she knew. If she could understand my feelings and accept them. I am human. I also suffer. I may not shed tears over the death of my daughter, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt me. Hell is hot, hell is cold.

-Perhaps he lost all desire to hunt and kill prey.

My voice is a hoarse whisper. I approach of her office. She looks at me. I don't know anymore. I want to strangle her, I want to kiss her. That woman will kill me.

-Watson came to me ... talk about it.

-But you did not believe him.

Obviously. She could not believe it. That would be the contrary of what she has always thought of me. Since that day our lives became a nightmare.

-I was supposed to believe this? Although you have not always been so, I know you'll continue to kill. This power made you mad, it destroys you!

I stopped at her desk. I lower my eyes to her. I clench my teeth, annoyed.

-What else left to me Helen? Other than that power?

She doesn't answer and looks aways

-Leave me alone John...

Her whisper is low and trembling. I feel she will break down. Not because of me, but the death of Ashley weighs more and more on her shoulders. I walk around the desk and stop near her. She ignores me, or at least trying to ignore me. She works, stops, works again.

-Helen, believe me, I did not want what happened. I ...

-Stop it John! Stop!

I stop. She becomes calmer. I move my hand to her cheek, she retreated, stepping back slowly. I don't give up.

-Helen, I beg you...

I'm burning. Inside. As if a river of fire consumed me slowly. There is a feeling that I never liked, but which has always proved me that I'm capable of human feelings. When I look at Helen, I burn. She is what I miss. The part of me that is not present, prevents me from living fully.

My mask does not fall. I am well, as she says. Mad, murderous and violent. But, when my hand comes to meet his cheek, is a gentle caress that I serve to her. She trembles, she shivers, biting her lip, hesitating.

Finally, Helen Magnus, doctor's daugther, master of the Sanctuary and of her emotions, break down in my arms surprising both of us. How did this happen? Why did it take to lose our child to understand? This is not with killing each other that we will survive. We are linked, cursed and lovers for eternity.

Even if tomorrow she starts to hate me, even if she starts to blame me, I know that today she needs my help, my support. And nothing, nothing, not even a reflection of my darkness, can't stop me to take this role, one that too long I couldn't keep. Me, Montague John Druitt, father of a dead warrior and in love with a woman venomous and dangerous, I will not make the same error than before.


End file.
